This Day, My Spirit Dissipates

Nobody wants an ungrateful daughter. Nobody would want me. Nobody should ever deserve me as a child. Well, good thing my father left me in the first place. He didn't get to experience the burden of having me as a daughter. Unfortunately for you, you had no choice.

I don't deserve to be loved. Not when I can only love my self. Sometimes I wish I wasn't born into this world, so that I don't hurt those around me, so I don't cause pain to the people who cares for me. But no one should care for me, no one should care for a selfish monster.

I wish I could disappear, erase my existence, then never go back. I wish I could be a better person. I wish I could be better for you. I wish I would never be the reason why you want to die, why you don't want to keep fighting. I want to be the reason why you want to live, your source of strength.

All my life I thought I was making you proud. I wanted to make you proud. But for all those times I'm making you upset, I'm letting you down. I'm letting myself down.

I hope you can see this before I go; before you go. There's nothing wrong with you. You've given me everything and more. And I thank you for that. But sorry I can never be who you want me to be. Because everything's wrong with me.

New Love!

Oh yes, I've found a new love! Well, not really. Just something that I discovered I enjoy doing although I'm not bestowed with an enormous talent in drawing. Haha.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

So I think I'm over you.

Clearly a progress from saying "I'm not." which I have grown accustomed to for the past few months. I didn't realize it until I went over your profile and felt nothing. Just resentment for the friendship lost. And I kept rehashing the things I liked about you. Now I see that they are less tangible than they seem before. I tried to pinpoint what changed, how it happened. But somehow, someway, I just know. Even if I really don't. Confusing, I know. I even feel ridiculous remembering how I drool over your feet before. I felt sad that things didn't turn out the way I wanted it to be. That I haven't even got the guts to tell you how I really felt. But I didn't regret not doing that. Sometimes, you just have to accept the fact that some things aren't meant to be. Even if the reality of it slaps you in the face really hard. I think the distance helped. Okay, it helped a lot. And I don't know what a mere 'bumping into you again' or a simple message might do to this profound realization of mine. But for now, I really think I am over you. And hell yeah, I am positive. :)

NA. KA. KA. I. NIS.

Alam mo ung feeling na um-oo na sayo tas biglang babawiin? Tuloy na tuloy na tas mauudlot pa? Argh. Di ko alam kung kanino ba ko naiinis eh. Sa nanay ko o sa sarili ko dahil naiinis ako sa nanay ko kahit hindi naman dapat. F*ck.

Why?

Can you stop the heart to love?

Love someone you know you can never have?

Even if it breaks you into pieces

The heart still hopes and wishes

Sometimes love ruins our faith

That happiness comes to those who wait

You’ve waited long enough to know

That the one you want has no love to show

Even if you are hurting

Even if the tears won’t stop falling

Even if the mind says stop loving

The heart won’t let go of the feeling

You want to erase the sadness in your eyes

You ought to do what you believe is wise

But it is hard to fake a smile and lie

Why is love so unfair, why?

Red and a little tan

I don't know what it is with swimming that I don't like. Probably because of the fact that I don't know how to swim? And I just envy those who swim back and forth the waters. And I really can't understand why I don't like it. I know I should. Given that where I came from is an island rich in beaches.

Earlier, I went swimming with my cousin at the clubhouse pool. She likes swimming a lot. And she's been whining about me not going with her for days already. So I agreed. And my skin got darker. And I think I might have sunburn. Ugh.

Bored

A new look, eh? I don't know what to do anymore so I busied myself with this. Sleeping time for me. Enough with the text incident already. Thanks Papa God for today. And err... yesterday. :) Goodnight! *yawns* zzzZZZZ